My Everything
by ayanastar
Summary: Lily is my everything. My whole life gravitated around her. Until one day, with one word, I changed that. Now Lily is dead, and she died hating me. The thing is though, she's still my everything. I won't forget her, after all who forgets their everything?


**My everything**

_"My whole life was about her. What if, for some reason, her whole life wasn't about me?", taken from "The Pact" by Jodi Picoult._

I sighed as I sadly remembered the times that were now far away. We had been so carefree and now… Well now, all I could do was worry.

"_Are you nervous?" I had asked Lily on the train. She nodded sharply. I felt the butterflies in my stomach as we crossed the lake on a small boat. I held her small hand in my own. We smiled wondrously at each other. My mother had described Hogwarts to me many times, but this had no compare. I looked at the dark turrets with small openings from where light pierced through the dark cloak that night had put upon us. _

"_What happens when we get there?" Lily whispered to me. I turned to her, gazing happily into her shining eyes._

"_Well first we get sorted into houses, remember?" I answered softly. Lily smiled, and I grinned back. _

"_What house do you think you'll get in?" she said apprehensively. _

"_Slytherin. It was my mum's house and it's the house of great wizards," I said smugly. A look of unease flickered over her face. _

"_Oh. I don't think I'll go there. That means we'll be separated!" she said sadly._

"_Oh Lily don't worry! We'll still see each other. And we can spend time together after class! We'll always be best friends, always. Right?" I asked softly, squeezing her hand to reassure not only her, but myself. She nodded._

"_Always Sev." I smiled back and the little boat docked. _

Of course, I was sorted into Slytherin and she was sorted into Gryffindor, with that prat Potter. He had already asked Lily out on the train, and from then on, I despised him. He was trying to steal my precious Lily away, my little flower! There was also the fact that he was a bully and extremely egotistical. He was always with his little followers and everyone thought they were oh so cool. Yea, right…

His friends even had a nickname. They called themselves the Marauders. They spent all their time pranking people, especially me. Potter didn't like me because I was friends with Lily. He wanted Lily all to himself! At first, I didn't mind him, Lily and I just ignored him. But then, he became a nuisance.

"Oh Sev that Potter is so irritating! If he asks me out once more, I will hurt him!" Lily had once complained to me in third year, when we were studying outside. I waited with baited breath every day for the bell to ring, and then I could see Lily. We would chase each other, swim in the lake together and we would play hide and seek in the grounds.

Of course in fourth year, my fellow Slytherins even beat me up, threatening that I couldn't be seen with a Mudblood. I had protested. There was nothing wrong with Lily; she was perfect in every way!

When I met Lily with bruises on my face, she helped heal them.

"Oh Severus what happened to you?"

"Nothing. I just tripped," I said distractedly, staring into her dark eyes intently.

"Sev don't lie," she rebuked. I ducked my head. She placed her delicate hands on my shoulders.

"Come on! You can tell me!"

"Well you see… Some Slytherins don't think we should be friends. So when I told them to sod off, well they hit me." My voice was low and I breathed deeply, looking into Lily's eyes. She gasped and clenched her hands on my shoulders, also breathing deeply. She quickly hugged me and I felt a tingle in my stomach.

"Poor you! That's awful. What about your friends, Malfoy and Lestrange?" Lily asked, crinkling her nose as she mentioned the names. I shrugged. Lily didn't think that Malfoy and Lestrange were a good influence on me. But at least they would teach me good spells and make me feel important!

"They aren't really my friends I guess. It's more like they barely tolerate me. In fact, Lestrange, Malfoy and McNair were the ones who cornered me," I whispered shamefully.

"What? Are you serious? Those… Those bastards!" Lily shrieked. I stood up, taking Lily in my arms. I felt the warmth of her body and I inhaled the smell of her shampoo. She looked up at me, her green eyes teary.

"That's awful Sev. How could they do something like that? I… I don't like it when they hurt you." Her voice was hoarse and her hand gently caressed my cheek.

"It's ok Lily. They'll forget about it and everything will go back to normal. So how was your day?" I asked, changing the subject. Lily leaned her head against my chest thoughtfully. I pulled her tighter to me.

"Oh the usual. I swear though, if Potter gets more insistent, I'm going to have to start fighting him off with a stick," she laughed gently. Her laugh was like a brook gently trickling over rocks; it was soft, wonderful and refreshing. I smiled ruefully.

"Did he bother you today?" She asked.

"Nope. Not today."

"Oh well that's good." With that she sighed, and leaned on me again. I smiled and leaned back against the wall, gently twirling her long crimson hair in my fingers.

Everything continued well for a little over a year. Potter grew worse every day, but I had learned to fight back. Lily was still my closest friend and during the summer, when Petunia would be too hateful, we would spend hours walking in the woods. No matter how much I longed it, we didn't move past friendship.

Through the fifth year, mum told me that Lestrange and Bella were good people to be with. Lucius had left the school already. I started to stay with them more and became fascinated with the possibilities that the Dark Arts held. It could make me powerful. Then no one would ever make fun of me ever again. Then one day, after one of our exams for the OWLS, something happened, something awful that I will regret for my whole life. I was walking along, reading when I was stopped by Potter.

"Oi Snivellus! How d'you do with that exam?" I ignored him and kept walking, feeling the heat beat down on my head.

"Oh his nose was nearly touching his parchment! The examiners won't be able to read it because of the grease stains he's left!" Sirius Black taunted. He had no right to bear the name of the honorable Black family. He was just as bad as Potter. The insults stung, but I ignored them. I kept walking until Potter waved his wand, sending my books flying. I growled. Once again a crowd had gathered to watch my public humiliation.

"Sod off. Gits," I muttered.

"Oh. I see. Well then… _Locomotor Mortis!" _ Potter said and I found myself lying on the ground, incapable to move.

"OI POTTER! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Lily screeched. I felt relieved and then she released me. I heard a stream of curses come from my mouth and I tried to drag myself to my wand.

"That's… It Potter." I lunged towards my wand angrily when he suddenly murmured something. I found myself dangling from my ankle, my robes falling over my face. I heard a laugh start up from the people around us and then remembered something. Oh no. I had forgotten to put some trousers back on. I had slid in mud and taken them off, hastily putting them in my bag. And just my luck; hadn't put them back on.

"Potter put him down!" Lily yelled angrily. I tried to block out the laughs and swung my arms around, trying to reach my wand that was on the ground.

"Go out with me. If you go out with me, I'll put him down," Potter said hurriedly. I growled and cursed. Lily looked shocked. She looked at me nervously. I shook my head furiously, mouthing the word "no". Lily looked uneasy but nodded briefly towards me.

"I will never go out with a big-headed git like you. Even if you were the last guy on the planet, I would still avoid you!" she shrilled.

People were still laughing and my head was hurting from all the blood that had rushed to it. I thought of a few curses to use on Potter. I saw Potter look a little sad until he dropped me. I grabbed my wand and stood up shaking angrily. Potter had no right to do that. He had no right to make Lily save me. Bella and Lestrange would be so mad. I was in for it. I breathed shallowly, shaking in anger.

"Thank Evans Snivellus," Potter commanded.

I spat out the first thing that came to my mind in anger, "I didn't need help from a Mudblood." I then realized what I had said.

"Fine, then Snivellus. This is the last you'll hear from this Mudblood," Lily hissed, glaring at me as a tear ran down her cheek. She turned around and I tried to run after her, to beg for forgiveness. I tripped though and Potter turned on me angrily.

"Apologize to Evans now!" he yelled. I glared at him.

"This is all your fault. I hate you." My voice was venomous and Potter looked shocked.

"I guess I'll have to wash your mouth then, using such foul language has a price. _Scourgify!_" Potter said tonelessly and I felt a stream of bubbles erupt in my mouth. I tried to spit it out, but more kept coming, creeping down my throat and into my lungs. I gagged and wheezed, but to no good. I thought it was the end for me, until suddenly Potter lifted the spell. Sirius put me upside down and I caught my breath, welcoming the oxygen rushing into my lungs.

Lily was gone. She hated me. Before, my life was all about her and I always wondered if for some reason her whole life wasn't about me. Now I knew for sure. Her life would never be about me. I had just ruined those chances. I had lost my best friend and someone that was my everything. Lily is still my everything; to this day I devote my life to her.

"Now who wants me to take off Snivelly's pants?" Potter cawed. I heard the raucous laughter and felt like crying. Then he dropped me. I saw him glancing at Lily's quickly retreating form. Black walked up to Potter, putting his arm on his shoulder.

"Er mate? I think that she thinks you're a prat. I'm not so sure she likes you," he said hesitantly. Lupin chortled.

"Wow Padfoot. You're bloody brilliant aren't you?"

I quickly grabbed my things and ran before they remembered that they were supposed to be torturing me. I ran through the hallways in the school, making my way to an alcove near the Astronomy Tower. Lily liked to go there and I had a hunch she might be there. I got there, panting and saw that she was sitting; her back was to me and her shoulders were shaking from her weeping. I dropped my bag and she turned around, wiping her eyes. When she saw me her eyes flashed.

"Sod off," she spat. I cringed and stepped closer.

"Lily… Flower… Please. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just that Potter had me so riled up. I'm sorryk," I said weakly. I reached for her hand and she sharply slapped it away.

"You sicken me. Potter was right. You're so buried in the Dark Arts that you can't even remember who your friends are! You have no idea how many times I've been insulted because of my birth. Even Malfoy didn't stoop so low as you." She turned around, fixing the wall.

"Lily you can't mean that! I'm so sorry. Come on, we're supposed to be friends. Please forgive me!" I cried. She stood up, looking down on me.

"Why should I? You're nothing but a coward!" She walked out.

"Because… Because I love you Lily," I whispered as she rounded the corner. I collapsed to the floor, angrily shaking my head.

From then on, things just went from bad to worse. I grew further apart from Lily; she now never spoke to me. I grew more immersed in dark things and my friends were bad influences. As if that wasn't bad enough; in seventh year Potter was named Head Boy and Lily Head Girl. Before Christmas, Lily had accepted to go on a date with him. Then, they were together and got married after school.

I have made many bad decisions in my life, but the main two were these; first, losing Lily as a friend and second; trusting Voldemort, thus losing Lily forever. Now that she is gone, the pain is fierce and unrelenting.

I have lost my dear Lily; my little flower. She is gone, and she died still hating me. She was and is everything to me. She is what drives me to do what I do. Lily was the only woman I ever loved. And to this day, to the day I die, I will love her fiercely. I have done many wrongs and losing Lily is the worst punishment I could've asked for.

However, because of this loss, I have devoted my life to her son. It is the most painful thing I've ever had to do; to take care of the son she had with another man. I will watch over him, thus preserving the last bit of Lily I have on earth. Because without Lily, without my everything, my life is meaningless and has no purpose. Her whole life may not have been about me, but that doesn't stop my whole life from being about her.

**(A/N: DONE! Woot woot! Ok I've never written a story that was in the slightest way Snape/Lily so this was a great new experience. I really liked portraying Snape like this. By the way, the part of Snape's worst memory is flawed, I know. I just didn't have OoTP with me so I improvised by memory. I hope that you all think I did it justice. This one-shot was a response to Cedricsgurl's "Quote 3 Challenge". I hope you all liked it and reviews or constructive criticism would be adored! Thanks for reading!) **


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